dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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