He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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