I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize