walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
