At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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