i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is Oprah even human
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
