YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
