The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
