i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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