chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
