I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
