I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
