i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
