Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
