her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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