I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My balls are so social today.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
