I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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