dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
