i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
