every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
