Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
