I think my vagina is haunted
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
then he tried to convert me to islam
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
