so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
