No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
