Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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