Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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