I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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