I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
