Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
