There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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