just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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