Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize