my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
