i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My liver just had a heart attack.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
