Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
