i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
