she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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