I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
