every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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