Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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