Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
