my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize