This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
