i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
