thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
