Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
