bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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