All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
