It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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