I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
