All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
