i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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