the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this boner is exhausting
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
