last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
