taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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