its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
