I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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