If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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