Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
