Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize