if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The beer is more important than you right now.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
