I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
