The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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