I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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