Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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