found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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