last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
my poor anus
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
