but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
its liver damage thursday
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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