I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
