Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
