Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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