Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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