Ambien. No doubt about it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
